There are many sorts of foster parents. (I will call them “foster parents” on this blog, and not “foster/adoptive” or “adoptive” parents. While the legal situation may be different, the parenting challenges are largely the same. So let’s stick with a simple term.)

Many foster parents are genuinely warm, enthusiastic, capable people who do incredible things for kids who really need it: in other words, the ideal foster parents. If you are one of them, this site is for you.

Well, actually, if you are already one of them, you already know most of what I’m writing here, so it’s not really for you. But if you are only starting out as a foster parent and want to do a good job at it, this site is for you. As they say “experience is cheapest second-hand”. So I’d like to share what I know, or what I think I know. Your mileage may vary, but I figure it’s better to have it written down for others to read, than not to! Feel free to talk back in the comments.

Unfortunately, there are also many other kinds of foster parents.

Some are just in it for the money. It’s hard to believe, because the government does not exactly pay a lot to make you put up with a lot, and you need to feed and cloth and entertain etc. your kid from what they give you every month. But there are people in the system as supposed foster parents who fundamentally don’t care about the kids, only that they get paid if they put a bed into the walk-in-closet and call themselves a foster parent.

Others seem to think foster parenting is a simple and legal way to get a cheap personal servant into the house who will do all the chores you don’t want to do. Yes, it happens. My disgust goes to you, free of charge; no, you don’t need to thank me.

There are even those foster parents who by all means should have had their own children put into foster care because they are child abusers themselves. I’m sure you have read newspaper stories. I don’t know whether a religion exists where you go twice as deep into hell if you hurt a child instead of an adult while pretending to do good for the child; if there is, I would consider joining it.

For all of you, I have nothing to say, except: Leave our kids alone. They have enough troubles already, they don’t need to be taken advantage of by yet another “parent”, and I would use bigger quotes if I could find them on the keyboard. This site is most definitely not for you.

Back to more pleasant subjects. You! You aspire to do some great things for some kids to whom few great things have happened (and many awful ones), you are all motivated, slightly nervous, and ready to get going! This site is for you … and in particular for coming back to in those late-evening hours when the kids are finally in bed, and although you are deadly tired, you are too bewildered to go to sleep. (I could have used a better word than “bewildered”, but then you won’t become a foster parent, and I don’t want to discourage you.) Trust me, those times will come. I hope I can put some nuggets of usefulness on this site for you.